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Vol Jokes

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Vol Jokes

I know some of these are old or re-hashed, but I always look for new ones to add to the list:

ENJOY!

Q: Why do the Tennessee Vol fans wear orange and white?
A: They can wear it to the game on Saturday They can wear it hunting on Sunday and they can wear it to work on Monday when they¹re picking up garbage during work release!
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Q: What is the difference between a porcupine and Neyland Stadium?
A: A porcupine has 108,000 pricks on the OUTSIDE.
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"I heard Phil Fulmer had his QBs, RBs and WRs all working in the local bakery during the summer, because he wanted them to get used to turnovers"
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Q: What did the Knoxville City Council do to slow the birth rate down in Knoxville?
A: They outlawed family reunions.
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There were 2 death row inmates awaiting execution in a Tennessee prison. One was a UT fan and the other was a Georgia Bulldog fan. On the day they were to meet their Maker the Warden came to ask for their last requests.
He asked the Tennessee fan first: "You can have one final request; what will it be?" The UT fan replied, "I wanna hear Rocky Top one more time!" The Warden says "Alright, that'll be fine."
The Warden then looks to the Georgia fan and says " You too can have one final request; what will it be?" The UGA fan looked at the Warden and said: "Kill me first!"
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A man walks into a store and says, "I would like a orange hat, orange pants, orange sweater, and white shoes." The clerk says, "Are you a Vols fan?"  "Yes," replied the man. "How did you guess - by the color combination?" "No," answers the clerk, "because this is a hardware store."          
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Q: Why is Tennessee changing their mascot to the possum?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road
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Q: Where was OJ headed in his white Bronco?
A: To Tennessee. He knew the police would never look for a Heisman winner there
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Q: Why did the Tennessee grad get fired from the M&M factory?
A: He was throwing away too many W¹s
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Q: Hear Phil Fulmer was only dressing 15 players for the ciTrUs Bowl?
A: Heard the rest could dress themselves
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Q: What do you get if you cross a Tennessee Football player with a Georgia Cheerleader?
A: Nothing! There is some things even a Tennessee player won¹t do
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Tennessee is the only state where road salt is a seasoning.
(quoted from Jay Leno, on The Tonight Show, as he was discussing Tennessee's new road kill Tennessee
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Tennessee Legislature just passed a new bill. If you divorce your wife, she's still your sister.
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What do eggs and UT have in common.
They both get beat in a bowl.
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What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a UT fan?
The good ol' boy raises livestock.
The UT fan gets emotionally involved.
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How do you know when you're staying in a Knoxville hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "go ahead."
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How can you tell if a UT fan is married?
There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck
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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Knoxville to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
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What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Knoxville?
A documentary
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One day a teacher asked her class, "How many of you like the Vols?" All of the class raised their hands except for one little girl.
The teacher asked, "If you don't like the Vols, whom do you like?"

The little girl said, "I like the Commodores!"

The teacher then asked her why she liked the Commodores. The girl replied, "My Mommy is a Commodore and my Daddy is a Commodore so that makes me a Commodore!"

The teacher then asked," Well, if your Mommy was a moron and your Daddy was a moron what would that make you?"

The little girl said, "That would make me a Vol!
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Two UT football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The UT player proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"
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A Vol football player was almost killed today in a tragic horse back riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse just in time.
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A little boy and his mother were walking through a Knoxville cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies a UT graduate and a good man." The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"
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Coaches Meyer and Phil Fulmer are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry. As they are walking, Urban trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp.

"Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. "You will each get one wish," said the genie.

Phil offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Tennessee so that none of those stupid Floridians can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Fulmer and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Urban he'll grant him one wish.

Urban says, "Fill it up with water."
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Q: Why don't they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Tennessee?
A: It's too hard on the mule.
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A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Tennessee joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a UT grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, has a black belt and he's a UT grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a UT grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Jer
Class of '03

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Q: What does the average UT grad get on his SAT

A: Drool!!

Q: Why are there no whores in Tennessee?

A: There all Volunteers!!

kiss my gator tail

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Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Tennessee?

Otherwise, it would be named the TEETHbrush.

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Why is it so difficult to solve murders in TN??

Because there's no dental records and the DNA is all the same!! laugh

User offline. Last seen 36 weeks 5 days ago. Offline
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Jer
Class of '03

User offline. Last seen 36 weeks 5 days ago. Offline
Joined: 04/18/2009
Posts: 246
Points: 29710

BUMP for Lulu and Junior week

Jer
Class of '03

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It's Great to be a Florida Gator!

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          A UT grad is looking for a brand new BMW, when he finds the one he likes, he asks the salesman "Why don't the Radio work"? Eager to answer the salesman informs him that the sterio is voice activated, "Let me show ya" the salesman blurts out "Country"!!  The Radio starts playin Johny Cash!!  "Good stuff" declares the UT grad. Go on ...you try the sales man tells him. The UT grad then calls out "Rock n Roll"..Elvis comes on the radio. Happy as he can be, the UT grad says "Il'l Take her"!!

       On the way home from the lot...The poor UT grad is cut off, by a huge pick up truck and almost swerves right off the side of the mountain in to a deep holler, which could have indeed killed him.    "STUPID REDNEX!!!" He Shouted at the truck

  The next thing ya' know, The radio began to play......Rocky Top!!!

kiss my gator tail

Joined: 09/07/2011
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Remember the last time Tennessee beat Florida? 

Old Dirty Bastard was still alive

Joined: 09/07/2011
Posts: 6
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Why was the tooth brush invented in Tennessee?

Because if it was invented anywhere else it would have been called the teeth brush

Joined: 03/11/2009
Posts: 62
Points: 7300

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl on the Tennessee campus?

A: A visitor
 

Q: What is the difference between a Tennessee divorce and a Tornado?
A: I don’t know either, but someone’s gonna lose a trailer.

Q: What do tornadoes and Tennessee grads have in common?
A: They both always end up in trailer parks.
 

There was a couple who were getting a divorced, so the judge said to the child,“Who do you want to live with? Do you want to live with your Dad?” “No, said the child, “he beats me.”“Do you want to live with your Mom then?” “No, she beats me too”.“Well who do you want to live with?” “I want to live with the Vols” said the little girl, “because they can’t beat anybody.

 
Q: If you have a car containing a Vol wide receiver, a Vol linebacker, and a Vol defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop
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