Today, I was listening to a caller on the radio (104.9 The
Game), who was telling us a wonderful story about a canned food drive up in
Tennessee last week, was a kind of support your team type of thing, with Vols
colors running torturously rampant throughout the event.  Seems that a local group up there had the
idea for their group to stamp out homeless hungries while, at the same time,
bringing in the fans of the Orange Abyss to rally behind their cause.

And who, do you ask, is sponsoring this warm and fuzzy plea
to help the growling stomachs of the Knoxville area?

Why, the Gator Haters Association, of course.

Now, whether the University of Tennessee is cahooting with
this or not, it’s made me want to take a moment to reflect on some of the more
fantastically awful things about Lane Kiffin in the week leading up to the
Saturday Spanking in the Swamp.   Sure,
he probably had very little to do with the GHA and their anti-Gator propaganda
(probably), but he has sure given people in this town something to L-O-V-E love
about not being a Vol, A Knoxvillain (is that how you say it?), or a
Tennessidiot (let me know if you know of a different pronunciation).

This week, let’s be the bigger fans and roll out a top ten
list for the son of one of the greatest defensive minds in football, Mr. Lane
“Can’t Quite Remember Those Pesky NCAA Rules” Kiffin.  In the spirit of canned food drives sponsored
by hate groups, we’ll call this:

Top Ten Things For Gator’s to Love About Lane Kiffin

(A list of the
wonderful things The Kif does to make us smile here in Gainesville)

10. Layla Kiffin… If there is one thing that Lane deserves
less than his position at Tennessee, it’s that damn hot wife of his, which is
why it is so nice that she is available online for everyone to enjoy, not just
here in the Swamp, but abroad as well. 
The daughter of former Gator John Reaves, a once great QB from the early
70’s (look it up, young Gators,); she’s gotten a better reception than her
husband in Tennessee, where they’ve created a website for her there.  “Iwoulddolaylakiffin.com” has something for
everyone, including hot pics and… more pics. 
We here would like to thank Lane for bringing his trophy back down south
and hope to see her in the stands trying to remember the colors she truly
bleeds next week.  Maybe an orange and
blue bikini would be appropriate?

9. If you’ve got some free time, check out this wonderful
site posted by another of Lane’s supporters and get your giggle on Lane’s
tab(trust me, it’s worth it): http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3346/3345965421_f8983355bb_o.gif

8. Thinning the herd… Kiffin has seen more than a couple
athletes part ways with the college since his triumphant march into Knoxville,
among them was RB Lennon Creer, who had 388 yds and 4 Tds last year, and safety
Demetrice Morley, but the transfer with the most publicity out of the eleven losses
was QB BJ Coleman.  Coleman came out and
stated that he wasn’t being given a “fair shake” at the quarterback position,
so he decided to step aside for Crompton, one of the few classy moves this
season in Tennessee.  He was no joke at backup
and the loss of depth at that position could be felt the most out of any of the
losses, especially if the erratic Crompton from last year returns.  Overall, though, Kiffin’s clearing of the
ranks to entice new recruits in with the promise of playing time could very well
blow up in his face, as losing 11 players is losing 11 players, regardless of
what their record was the last few years.

7. You’ve got to love Kiffin’s record as a head coach,
too.  His rocky NFL career was a total
bust and lead to a headline splashing feud with boss, Al Davis.  Amidst letters and vocal volleys, you realize
the Kiffin, whether he was given a chance or not, whether he was given a
working franchise or not, spent a year and 5 games as a head coach, with a
record of 5-15 (the wins are the smaller number that comes first).  Even Spurrier managed to eke out two full
seasons and he was seen as a complete disaster in the NFL.  Yeah, Lane can recruit and he’s got a pretty
good mind for the offensive side of the ball, but as a head coach, one can only
take solace here in Gainesville when reviewing his resume.

6. Recruiting violations anyone?  ESPN, Steve Spurrier, and even the University
of Tennessee itself has been busy keeping track of Lane’s violations, a good
half a dozen in his first few months that started with a phone call from Urban
Meyer to recruit Nu’Keese Richardson while the wide receiver was visiting the
Vols campus.  Kiffin screamed that it was
a violation to contact a recruit visiting another campus, but turns out he was
wrong and he received a reprimand from the SEC for it.  Since then, and his superbly insincere,
smirking apology, he was done the following: simulated game experiences for
players through the use of fog machine enhanced entrances for recruits and
staging mock press conferences, publicly commented on Bryce Brown, then still a
recruit, and Tweeting (I hate this word) about JC Copeland’s committing to
Tennessee before the kid had officially signed with the program.  Now, I know he’s come out and told the world
he was given one off a perfect score on the exams all NCAA coaches are required
to take, but does that make it any better that he keeps shooting his mouth off
and doing inept things with recruits? 
Wasn’t he a recruiter at USC?  He
even had ESPN cameras present when talking with recruits, a huge violation, so
you’ve got to figure that if he keeps this up, he won’t have to worry about
players committing to the school, because sooner or later the penalties will be
stiffer than a reprimand.

5. At the midpoint of our list, let’s take a moment to
reflect on the career of the shoe left for Lane to fill, Phil Fulmer.  You’ve got to be in love with the burden of
expectations laid at the feet of the new coach, who has to follow a beloved, orange
bleeding who was everything Tennessee wanted in a head coach.  Kiffin’s cockiness is only going to be
accepted as long as he can put up winning numbers, for if the Vols end up with
another losing season, or even a marginal one, many in Knoxville will begin to
wonder why the college paid all this money to an unproven 34 year old when they
could have stuck with their proven coach. 
Fulmer left town with a record of 152-52 in 17 years, with a national
championship, two SEC Conference championships, and 15 bowl games.  People may be still reeling from last year’s
missteps, but if Kiffin doesn’t start to win right away, he’ll be driven out
faster than… well, faster than he’ll have to leave the Swamp after the game
next week.

4. Before we get to how great it was to see Lane get Urban’s
ire up, let’s review how wonderful it was that he took some of the bulls eyes
of Florida this off-season.  The whole
SEC should have been focused on figuring how to dethrone UF in the upcoming
season, but thanks to good old Kif and his vocal diarrhea, coaches were busy
getting annoyed, bothered, or down right pissed off.  With Spurrier, Kiffin started a feud based on
telling recruit Alshon Jeffery that if he became a Gamecock “he would end up
pumping gas for the rest of his life like all the other players from that state
who had gone to South Carolina.”.  In
addition, he grabbed two USC coaches (one being his brother-in-law) and told
the media that after Spurrier’s public questioning of whether Kiffin had even
taken the NCAA coaches exam, he had never extended an apology.  He took assistant coach Lance Thompson from Alabama,
then taunted coach Nick Saban about it by all but saying that Thompson was
responsible for the majority of the recruits Alabama had for the upcoming
class.  With so much of the SEC focused
on taking the Vols coach down a notch, we can’t help but be thankful for Kiffin
coming to the SEC, because he’s got a lot of people lining up to take him out,
including…

3. Urban Meyer.  Lane falsely
accused him of recruiting violations and after Richardson ended up signing with
the Vols, Kiffin was heard to say, “I love the fact that Urban had to cheat and
still didn’t get him.”. He began his first news conference as head coach by
stating his plans to sing “Rocky Top” all night long after defeating the Gator
this season.  I guess this is some sort
of prison mentality meant to drum up booster support, a calculated plan to find
the biggest guy in the yard and try to start a fight with him to earn some sort
of respect.  Didn’t really seem to work,
though.  Urban has remained pretty
passive about the whole thing in front of cameras and writers, but Coach Meyer
has been known to walk softly and carry a big stick.  Remember Georgia in 2007?  Remember them dancing after Moreno’s score
and the Bulldogs’ 42-30 win?  After a year
of digesting that bitter pill, Urban marched his boys back to Jacksonville in
2008 full of fire and cool as ice, proceeding to slap them around to the tune
of 49-10.  It was a joke around
Gainesville in the off season as to which line would be larger, the point
spread against Charleston Southern or the one against Tennessee.  We love you, Lane, you opened Pandora’s box
without even being tempted to and now you get to reap the rewards.

2. It’s not just Coach Meyer who wants a piece of Lane
Kiffin.  As was already shown, if you
take on one Gator, you take on Gator nation and every player on the team is
lining up to show that some grinning, 34 year old, upstart coach that a mouth
means nothing on the field.  Florida has
more depth, more experience, and more dedication to a winning mentality that
has proven success under Urban Meyer. 
Lane Kiffin has done a spectacular job of pumping up our team for us and
should be commended on making sure that the Vols won’t be able to sneak in and
steal a win no one saw coming.  We all
know the date of the game, have known it for months, and we don’t even play on
the team.  Trust me, with Kiffin quotes
and pics of his mugging mug taped up around the locker rooms and training
facility, everyone on the team knows what is expected of them come September 19th.  I bet they’re pretty excited by it, too, and
any fear you may think they have of being upset can be summed up by UF
O-lineman Matt Patchan, who when asked what he would say if he passed Lane on
the street, responded with, “I’ve got nothing to say to that guy.  He’s a bozo.”.  You’ve got to love it when a coach can
engender than kind of reaction from a team that hasn’t even played him.

1. Okay, this one may hurt a little to hear, because it
kills me to have to write it.  Truth be
told, you Gators out there should love him for one reason above all others,
because, as a member of the SEC, you were involved in one of the more
underrated rivalries in the conference over the last few years.  Tennessee and Florida are heading into the 39th
meeting in their history, but this meeting has lost some of the luster it had
in previous decades as Tennessee has fallen off the pace set by the Gators the
last few years in the SEC.  30-6 in 2008.  59-20 in 2007.  These games haven’t been close, but you have
to remember that, overall, the record between the two of them is a staggering
19-19, with this game serving as the head to head tie breaker.  Fulmer was a great coach in the 90’s, but
couldn’t manage more than 11 wins more than once since their undefeated 1998
season.  Urban Meyer has yet to lose to
Tennessee, though the 21-20 win in 2006 was a nail biter, and the polish on
this rivalry doesn’t have the same feel to the new generation of UF students
and players who haven’t been here long enough to remember how tight this
rivalry really is.  Lane Kiffin has
brought the spotlight back to this historic face to face and has given this
game a new face, but what bothers me is the way it was done.  Yeah, I love getting excited about UT and UF
again and we can thank Lane for that, but did it have to come back with such a
low class, schoolyard type of Nyah-Nyah name calling tone?  Urban, for his part, has remained the class
of this war and Lane has quieted some as the season began (perhaps he realized
what may come from letting the genie out of the bottle, you get what you wish
for), but the game should have been enough to restore this rivalry, not some
petty war of words in the media. 

So, as we approach T-Day here in the Swamp, let’s hope that
one of the titanic rivalries in the SEC is back and here to stay, regardless of
how badly the Vols get spanked on Saturday. 

And next time you see Lane Kiffin in the news, remember
these ten reasons to love him here in Gainesville, for he’s made the coach and
team’s jobs all that much easier this year.

Joshua Bauer is a Coumnist for GatorTailgating.com.