Batman and the Joker, Obama and Rush, Your dentist and the gum disease Gingivitis.

We all recognize an archenemy when we see it; someone who is your polar opposite, who you spend your life fighting against, and who always seems to be there glorying in your every failure (whether they were behind it or not).  An archenemy obsesses about you, wants to be you so bad that they have to try and bring you down to their level of achievement just so they can feel somewhat better about themselves.  These are the type of people who cook up “master plans”, spending time ignoring what’s important so they can focus on trying to make your life a living hell.

These are the people your parents warned you about growing up, yet who always seem to be drawn to you.  These are the people who you hope aren’t around with a smug smile when you step in doo doo because they’ll take the credit for leaving it there, regardless of the truth of it, and will laugh wickedly while all the while talking about how they planned this from the start.

So, let me add another one to the list:  Urban and Lane.

God, has it really come to this?  Weren’t we done connecting the two of them this season?  Hasn’t Lane got enough attention from UF and Coach Meyer this season?

However, thanks to a poorly asked question from the local media and an honest answer from Meyer, we once again have to watch Kiffy glory as our coach stepped in a big pile of Lane Leavings, brought to you by the fine people of the SEC who were trying to get the Tennessee coach to just shut the hell up. 

Let me give you a quick rundown of what’s been going on since the Vols left our house defeated back in September, most notably with their coach.  There were the shots at Urban after that game, calling his flu excuse in to question about why the Gators didn’t play up to their potential.  The next SEC game was a loss to Auburn, then a big win vs Georgia, followed by a close loss to Alabama, yet the whole time Lane was still talking about UF, Meyer, and the SEC’s purposely bad officiating.  Before the Alabama game, he used his best friend, the media, to take a veiled shot at UF (he said Alabama “can beat you in all three phases of the game” while Florida “will beat you at times when nobody’s open and the quarterback runs around, makes the play...(Alabama) is just more balanced) while sort of praising Alabama as the true #1 team, then turned around after the game and began taking shots at the officials again.  He lambasted them for missing a call after a Tide player removed his helmet on the field during the game, then said he didn’t really do much at the end of the game because he didn’t want to “let the officials lose the game for us there and (have) some magical flag appear.”.  He also made fun of the SEC rules committee after that comment, saying he’d “get one of those letters that really means nothing” for trashing the officials. Yeah, because trying to win a game you’re still in at the end would be silly, the refs would have stopped that from happening anyway.  It’s all a big conspiracy against most of the SEC.

And why?

Well, because the SEC has been undermining games through their officiating body, thereby allowing Florida and Alabama to stay undefeated until the SEC Championship game. 

Really.

Following that, Kif had a quiet win against a struggling Cocks team (he’d apparently already pissed off Spurrier enough this season), took some time to try and stick up for Coach Cable in Oakland (How do you make a violent man with a history of striking women look worse?  Have Kiffin stick up for him.), but was put back in the headlines (Lane’s home, as he appears most comfortable there) when the SEC decided it had had enough.

The SEC athletic board, who were also hearing officiating complaints from Coach Mullen, Coach Petrino, and several others this season, decided to up the ante on punishments and put out a zero tolerance policy on going to the media with criticisms.  Although Kiffin only received a reprimand at the time, he was put on notice that any further media crying would result in fines and/or suspensions as deemed fit by SEC commissioner Mike Slive.  In effect, the SEC created the “Lane Shut The Eff Up “ rule (this was after tossing out titles like the “Leave Those Poor Blind Men Alone” rule and the “Hey, We’ve Been Apologizing For Them, But I Guess You’ll Never Be Happy” rule) , as no one was under any illusions as to who had the loudest mouth this season and who created the Gator/Tide conspiracy theory.

Problem is Lane wasn’t the one hit.

…Coach Meyer…I don’t know if I’m more upset with you or with Lane at this point.

Whether he was just some dumb kid who bumbled his way into getting what he wanted, or if it was due to some as yet undiscovered evil genius, Lane got to watch Urban get caught in the web the SEC spun for the Vol coach.  A reporter asked Urban about the uncalled hit on Tebow in the Georgia game (a massive penalty missed by the ref who, to be fair, was looking right at it from about 5 feet away and still missed it), and Urban answered honestly:

“That should have been a penalty, in my opinion,” Meyer said. “Obviously, it should have been. You’ve got to protect quarterbacks. That’s the whole purpose. It’s right in front of the referee. I’m not sure how they’re going to handle that, but … that was one of the plays we did send in.”

Well, now the SEC was in a bind, as the web meant to ensnare Kiffin and maybe get him off the sideline for a week snatched Meyer instead.  Though it wasn’t totally Meyer’s fault (are SEC coaches just supposed to start saying, “No comment” when asked direct questions?), he was none the less caught under the new Kiffin rule and penalties had to be enforced.  Slive wasn’t going to suspend Meyer for this, of course, but the $30,000 fine levied against him was more than most thought necessary.  If it had been another coach, the fine may have been in the $10,000 area, but considering the coach and team involved, then taking a look at the history between them and the Vols’ coach this year, a small fine would have started an entirely new quote war in the media. 

If Meyer had been let go or even fined less, the media would have descended on Tennessee for as many sound bites and leading questions as they could get on record.  Kiffin would have gloried in the attention yet again, his massive ego would have broken loose and destroyed Tokyo, and the SEC would then be unable to really touch him.  The only avenue left was to impose a fine on Meyer large enough so as to be a deterrent for any other coach entertaining thoughts about testing the new rule, for it would be the only way to ensure the Kiffin stayed quiet.

Problem is I can hear him grinning from here.

Coach Meyer, to his credit, accepted the punishment, saying, “As I stated last week, I have great respect for Commissioner Mike Slive and the Southeastern Conference, and I respect this decision. There was no intent to criticize an official after being asked about a situation that occurred last Saturday, and I apologize for my remarks.”, but…

It’s not what Coach Meyer said that disappoints me so much, but that somehow (just like with the postgame flu comments) we’ve managed to extend Lane’s time in the spotlight just a little bit more and made our rivalry look that much more legitimate, and not just some ploy cooked up by Kiffin.  Several times since the game, UF and UT have been connected in the media, which just allows for Lane to coast on the coattails of another’s media popularity, thereby increasing his exposure and ensuring more recruits hearing about all the excitement in Knoxville.  What’s worse is that it came during a time when the Vols are winning, with a quarterback turnaround that is just unreal (Crompton’s 5TD performance against Memphis gives him 21 total on the season, almost 3 times his totals in the previous years) and a chance to go into Oxford this week (for just the 4^th time ever) to secure a decent bowl game for themselves.  Meanwhile, Florida is being dragged through the dirt for not being powerful enough this season by a media and fan base that seems set on dwelling on the past rather than appreciate the undefeated, #1 team they have right now.

So, what should we do about Lane?

Nothing, because just like Freddy Kruger, if you don’t believe Kiffin has any power, he doesn’t.  An attention whore needs what the name implies and the SEC, as well as Urban, somehow seem to find ways to give it to him. 

He’s really putting the Vols back on the map though, so much that I’m kind of intimidated by what he might be able to do with the recruits in the next couple years, but people seem to be so entertained by his antics that they aren’t taking the time to appreciate what he’s doing to the rest of the SEC.  Coaches can’t even talk to the media anymore without fear of being fined for their own opinions, creating a new beast that prevents any real honesty as you start to worry about the repercussions of your words, no matter how innocuous.  Whether it’s good for Tennessee or not, the fact is that Lane’s methods for pulling the spotlight are a disease to the rest of the NCAA and we’re now watching the core of this league begin to rot as a result.

And yet, no matter what we thought earlier this season, Lane’s managed enough success to ensure seeing him across the field on 9/18/10 in Knoxville.  So Urban, seems you’ve found your nemesis for now, and though he may not be the Joker, he’s definitely got the clown aspect of it down pat.

Josh Bauer is a Columnist for GatorTailgating.com